As i sit here in this room , music in my ear , distraction free editor in front of me i can feel thousands of people thanking god for a new year from tomorrow , even thousands more making resolutions and even more partying .. Yet why do i sit here ?
For me, a new year means nothing . Its just another day . Does it mean anything ? The earth just spinning around its own axis , and just revolving around the sun - Night turning into Day , Day turning into Night .
What i'm more concerned is, in this abstract new year what am i going to do that will make me sit 1 year from now and write something better, and tell all ya'll that i've actually done something.
Let me pause .
Let me look back .
What've i done ?
Gotten a Camera ?
Gotten into SAP ?
Graduated with high scores ?
Got a mac ?
Do you think any of that matters when you sit back and think about what you actually have done ?
I think i'mma ready for more .
Yes i have a Canon Rebel XSI, Yes i'm in SAP , Yes I got high scores, Yes i have a mac .
But with all this .. is there something i can do ? Is there something that i can do differently that will make people notice me ? Is there something that i can do, to make a difference ?
I want to . And i must.
This is not a resolution that i'm going to make cause i dont believe in planning for the future yet since i dont see a necessity in doing so right now (sorry dad.)
But this is more of a Resolve.
This is more of a mindset.
This is more of becoming more me.
This is the path that i need to follow . This is the path not formed. This is the path i'm sure that my dad would like me take simple because there is no path . I need to make one.
And this i dont do for my dad or for any other soul in this world. This i do for myself. I need this . I need to break free. I need to carve a name for myself .
Yea i suck .
I know i do .
I know few languages
I know somethings more
I know that i can do a few things better than the rest of the people around me
But now i want to put those few things to a test.
Can i actually do something with all of things that i can do better ?
I know i can .
I know i will .
If not ACTUALLY do something, i know that i will make an attempt.
Because once you start making a path for yourself .. people will eventually start helping you . Your family, your friends. Yes they matter simply because i cant do this on my own . I need people to stand beside me . I dont want a leader, I dont want to lead . Its a pain.
So i say to you all here . And at 9:10 PM on the 31st December 2010
I SUCK . I WILL BECOME BETTER.
Watch for a post in 1 year .
But thats all for this year .
Before i get leaving ,
I love you dad , mom .
and I love you guys (you all know who you are)
and dad , i always stick to what i said, i'm sorry if its harsh but not many people matter to me in the world.
You all are my world and i'm happy with it .
Fuck off 2010 .
You started making the new me . 2011 will add on to that .